More... most of the people who are really close to me know, Matt and I were having problems for a very long time. Marraige councling didn't help...time didn't help...trial separations didn't help. So last week I finally screwed up the courage to leave.

It really hurt me a lot to do so, because I love him very much...and I hated hurting him like that.

He seems to be taking it well though...already found an attorney, and is boxing up anything I left behind so that it can be picked up. And if everything goes as planned, the divorce should be final by the end of May.

...I can't believe I'm going to be 28 and divorced. It's all sort of surreal to me...this is so not how I planned my life to be.

I've moved to Salt Lake City...not sure if it's for good or whatever...we'll see where I end up. But for now, I like it. It's beautiful here, and the atmosphere is nice.

I just hope he's okay...there are so many times I find myself missing him. Like...I found the masonic lodge here in's a huge old building that I know he would have appreciated. I wanted to call him and tell him about it...but I know I can't. I'm not sure we'll ever be at a place where we can be friends...I don't think he's like that.

I suppose those are the sacrifces we make to make our lives better...
Fluff You

(no subject)

"I believe it is the duty of every man to act as though the fate of the world depends on them. Surely no one man can do it all. But, one man CAN make a difference.” -- Adm. H.G. Rickover
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An update


My husband and I are separating. I'm moving out this week to stay with friends. He says if I don't know if I want to come back but the 2nd of December, that I won't be welcome back at all.


(no subject)

Someone once told me that while he thought cheating was bad, if it was with someone you sincerely loved, is wasn't AS bad.

...but I haven't gotten to ask him...what happens when you think you're sincerely in love only to find out that person is just not that into you? Does that make the cheating even worse?

Fun times...

So I'm driving along the highway heading home last night. I was going about 85 (addmittidley, a teensy bit higher than the speed limit) and I see some debris on the highway, so I make a mental note to avoid it. As I'm driving along all careful-like, a guy on a motorcycle pulls out and cuts me off, forcing me to have to swerve into the slow lane to not hit him..and drive over the debris. Next thing I know...

BAM! *thwap, thwap, thwap*

That's right...flat tire. I pull over immediately, and pull out all the stuff to change it to the spare. But I can't get the lug nuts to budge. Called the husband...he drove out and changed the tire...made it look easy. >.<

I look at the old tire...there's an old rusty screwdriver buried to the hilt in the inner edge of the tire. :( I was a sad annoyed panda. Drove to Walmart, since it was nearly 6:00 by this time, and got 4 new tires...might as well since they were kind of needing replacement anway. But I wasn't expecting to have to drp that kind of money last night. :(

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Going through old entries and adding tags...

And I found this from 200, and I liked it, and want to post it again in the updated version (though a few are the same)...feel free to grab it for yourself, cause it's neat.

I am not: Always as happy as I pretend to be.
I love: That I still have a chance to be something great.
I hate: Being afraid.
I fear: Being forgotten.
I hope: Constantly.
I hear: Best when I stop talking.
I crave: Salt :P
I regret: The one and only thing I've only told one person about.
I cry: At movies.
I care: Too much.
I always: Exaggerate?
I believe: In something.
I feel alone: Even when I'm with people.
I listen: When it's important
I hide: In a crowd.
I drive: Too fast and reckless.
I sing: In the car.
I dance: When there's no one around.
I write: Much less than I should.
I play: Too much.
I miss: My grandparents.
I search: For happiness.
I learn: More from people around me than I ever learned in school.
I feel: Restless.
I know: More today than yesterday, but much less than I'll know tomorrow.
I say: Whatever's on my mind...though sometimes I shouldn't.
I succeed: When ever I really try.
I dream: In colour.
I wonder: About the future.
I want: Something I shouldn't.
I give: To those who matter most.
I fell: But I'll get back up.
I fight: For my friends.
I am: I hope so.
Fluff You

Vacation and sick time...

So the husband and I took about a week and a half off for our anniversary, intending to go to on a camping trip through California, Oregon, and ended in Yellowstone. We never made it. We ended up getting sick, staying for two nights in a hotel in Boise...and coming home. Ugh. I got some great pictures at Crater Lake, but I was really looking forward to Yellowstone. We realized though that what with being sick, we really wouldn't enjoy the trip anyway. So I'm back at work feeling thouroughly robbed of my vacation time. :(

When I get home, I'll upload pics of Crater Lake...because they really are beautiful.
Working Bun


So I'm at work...and they have me doing this project which is just mind-numbingly dull. I'm doing queries to find bound premiums...not a big deal, not hard in any way...but all I'm doing is...

Crtl-C, Click, Crtl-Q, Crtl-V, Enter, Click, Click, type the amount, Enter

No big deal right? No...not's really the sheer mass of queries I'm doing...over 3,000..../sigh...that's a lot of "Crtl-C, Click, Crtl-Q, Crtl-V, Enter, Click, Click, type the amount, Enter"

...I need a better job...
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